So I'm about to Launch this God - Forsaken album I've entitled Dreams Reality. I am so effing scared! It's like so much truth and exposing of my flaws on there, for everyone out there to just... judge!
Anyway so now I'm just gonna expose my naked soul to the whole world just to find out if this album is actually any good.
Well... WHOLE world is kind of an overstatement. I've definitely decided to do a Press Release, start a blog, and market the whole thing with advertisements, targeting people who are fans of soft soulful R&B stuff, so that as many people in the whole world can hear my sad feelings as possible. I feel so egocentric sometimes. Like I just need everyone to pay attention to me because it's all about me all the time. And at the same time, so much of me just really wants to be alone, peaceful and anonymous. It's like there is just this deep need within me that is beyond my own character or personality, this URGE to express a truth, that isn't even necessarily me. It's deeper than me. It's like it's just... everybody.
I've obviously thought about this a lot, and realized that the only way for me to be happy is to just let this happen, no matter how mortified I am saying these things. And I can be ok with it, when I think of all the people before me who just said what was on there mind, or just were their weird selves in a weird way, or just followed their dreams without knowing where it was going, who made me feel like I had a voice, and like I mattered, and like I wasn't alone, because they dared to be themselves, and love themselves, in a world filled with thesames. Sometimes I have people coming up to me and saying THANK YOU to me, because me just singing, being myself and feeling free actually made THEM feel better somehow! So that's how I know that it's alright. When you feel like you just being you actually helps people, well that's just wonderful.
So I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna publish my music, no matter the outcome. I'm gonna do this blog, which I will try to update consistently. Hopefully that will go better than the YouTube channel, which still has a banner up there saying I put a new video up twice a week, even though I haven't uploaded in like two months. I can't even get around to changing that banner. Even this blog is like a year in the making, and as I write this I still have not published it, nor do I know when I will have the guts to.
All a work in progress, isn't it. Slowly but surely, I just keep trying and keep going for my dream. And what is my dream, you ask? Well without going into details, I'll say that the biggest dream I ever had already came true. Basically now everything else is icing on cake. And to simplify something that once seemed so crazy and hard and heart-wrenching, I'll say that I think it only came true because I actually believed in it. But it was worth going through so much pain to get here. And now that gives me a bit more confidence to chase my next dream, which is to travel the world on my own terms, create beautiful music and films, touch millions of people all over the world and have so much fun doing it!